Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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