8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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