Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
