4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
