mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Semen is not good for contacts.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
