there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
