I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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