dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
