Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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