worst night to have a conscience
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
