she takes plan B like it's going out of style
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
