I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
