I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
