I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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