Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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