; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
