Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
