Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
