should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
