he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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