So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
