I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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