College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
