He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
