I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
