So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
