These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
