Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
