so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
