Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
