What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
