dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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