Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
