I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
