dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
