Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she woke up with a sticky ear
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You are a genius and a whore.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize