i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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