Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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