she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
