Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
