dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
