i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize