So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
