I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
