I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
