So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
