We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
