i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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