btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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