After last night, I could never be a politician.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Randomize