You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
