im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
