There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
