Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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