I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
