Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
operation harelip BJ is a go
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
