THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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