Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
