Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
