Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
