Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
