Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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