When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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