he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
