my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
