wanna go halves on a baby?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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