I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
